EDD, Empathy Deficit Disorder. Don’t Ask Why! It Is What It Is!

When someone does something nice for you, the urge of reciprocity, as a human being, kicks in. You feel like you need and want to give back in return. You are well aware that you don’t have to, yet you feel compelled to reciprocate. But what if you keep giving and the other person rarely gives back, or if they do, you wish they never did? Likewise, observing someone else’s pain can evoke feelings of sadness or even pain in you. Now how do you feel if someone witnesses your pain and hurt and feels nothing? If you are going or have gone through this experience, don’t beat yourself up! It’s not you, it’s them. They have EDD (Empathy Deficit Disorder). Continue being you, and don’t stop giving to others. Trust that there are many, many people out there who do not have EDD (sigh of relief….. 🙂 ). Just cut EDD people out of your life, if you can.

Author and owner of this blog: Queen of Wands , link below: http://jeanniealogy.com/index.php/about-her

What is EDD and how do you know someone has it?

No empathy means a hole in the soul.

Some people brighten up your life, some others darken it. Some would go the extra mile to make you smile, others could care less if you cried or laughed….or were run over by a bus! Some relationships enrich you and some others drain you and make you feel less-than. If you find yourself dealing with people who don’t take your emotions and feelings into consideration and don’t seem to be able to put themselves in your shoes, you are most definitely dealing with people who lack empathy, i.e. those with EDD, Empathy Deficit Disorder.

It’s true that humans are wired up a certain way. Some of our most predominant attributes are a blessing or curse of nature bestowed upon us. However, our families and the way we were brought up also play a major role in how we develop those blessings or curses of nature. Empathy is one of them. Let’s call it a blessing. Some people are by nature very empathetic, and some aren’t. Whatever the level of empathy of a given person, it is to a great extent shaped by the ennvironement they grew up in. People with no empathy at all were obviously born with EDD.

Whatever the cause, they will damage you.

However, people with low empathy were most probably raised in families who were not in touch with their feelings or perhaps even condemned such displays. This can go as far as gradually learning to shut down their feelings as they grow up, to such a degree that they close off their hearts to even themselves.

EDD people, whether born with this disorder or acquired through their upbringing, can simply not relate to or feel other people’s feelings. They just don’t pay attention to other people’s feelings and emotions because they are too focused on themselves to care about what is happening to others. Even if you tell them how your are feeling, they will still show little to no interest. This attribute in them makes them very untrusting individuals over time. Empathatic people develop trust by connecting to others through feelings and emotions. If no such connection is made, there will be no trust. Thus EDD people are almost always very skeptical and untrusting. This leads to more doubt and skepticism in them, and the vicious circle continues. Here’s how it goes: EDD= no interest in feelings + no connection to feelings + no compassion towards others….which will lead to doubt, skepticism and lack of trust. You still want to stick around them? Well good luck! My advice, however, would be to:

1. Avoid dealing with them!

Point, blank!

If you absolutely don’t have to be around an EDD person, don’t be around them. Remove yourself from their surroundings. Any contact with them will damage you, especially if they are family or extended family. The closer your relationship to them, the more it will hurt you to be around them. My advice is to run away from them as speedily as you possibly can. Save yourself.

And if for some unfortunate reason you HAVE to deal with them, my next advice would be:

(Reminder: the post you are reading is written by author/blog owner: http://jeanniealogy.com/index.php/about-he

2. Don’t take it personally.

They just don’t feel….

By doing this, you can get off the emotional roller coaster. It’s not about you. Remind yourself that they are the ones that have a problem connecting emotionally with others. There’s nothing wrong with you! It would be like showing Monet’s Sea Roses painting to a blind person and expecting them to see it and enjoy the beauty of it. Or like wondering why a deaf person is not enjoying Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata! (with all due respect to the deaf and the blind). Do you see what I mean? Don’t do this to yourself!

These people are simply disconnected. None of their wires connects to feelings. That’s where their disconnection is. It’s as if they had a hole in their soul. Now some people might be partly so. EDD, like all other disorders, comes in different intensities. Regardless of the intensity or stage of EDD, I strongly recommend that you:

3. Reduce your talks to facts with them.

Feed them with facts and they’ll behave.

Instead of talking to them about how you feel, or how something they did or said made you feel, talk about facts and what you think. It’s easier to communicate this way because they don’t know how to feel blame, shame, guilt or even joy. They’re stoic. They’re blank faces. And if you expect them to, it will only frustrate and drain you further. Stick to facts, and for love of sanity:

4. Do not try to make them understand your feelings.

If you are trying to instill empathy in an EDD person, good luck! It would be a total waste of time and energy. It will harm and damage you, plus it will make them more angry and impatient with you.

“Don’t try to beat me, I’m a dead horse!”, said the EDD person.

And if you are among the lucky ones who don’t live or have to deal with them, do something more drastic such as:

5. Cut them out of your life.

Cut them off if you can. This world is full of people. Some you were born in a family with, some become family, some are friends, some are co-workers and some are just out there dealing with you (pick your scenario). But no one, I repeat: no one is so essential to your life that you have to let them stick around and slight and hurt you all they can, just because they can’t feel it themselves!

You won’t regret it…..

Remember: if you cut off an EDD, the EDD himself/herself won’t suffer. They won’t even care! So why wait? Cut them off. But if you have to work or somehow deal with them, if there is absolutely a must, apply number 2, 3, and 4.

And if you are among the unfortunate who have had to deal with such people in the past and are now careful with and afraid of and guarded against other people, remind yourself to:

6. Nurture relationships with people who do have empathy.

There are many people with empathy out there. Don’t lose hope. Not everyone is there to hurt and slight you. When you do get to know empathetic people, spend time with them, trust them and let them make you feel safe so that you can feel comfortable sharing your inner world and your feelings with them. Allow them. Simply allow them. Let them in. Also let them share their feelings with you. Don’t let your past experiences with an EDD person prevent you from trusting and connecting with others. It is neither fair to you nor the new people you are connecting with.

Give other people a chance…

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Trusting Your intuition Is Trusting Your Inner Guide

Author and owner of blog: Queen of Wands, link below:


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If you intuit, you will get into it! Practice makes perfect

The moment you know that you know something, but you just don’t know why (laughs…). It might sound funny, but that’s exactly how intuition works. No hocus pocus, just an inner knowing that should not be ignored. When you instinctively know something, you may not find any logical reason for knowing or better yet sensing what you know. That inner voice you have an uncanny urge to follow is your intuition. That’s something few people choose to tap into. After all, we live in a digital world and most of us are ruled by technology. Why should we leave any space for intuition? Sad, isn’t it?

I am going to relate to you what I have learned about intuition. What I’m about to share with you is based on my own experience. I am not a psychologist nor a sociologist. I just pay heed to people and situations and am very aware of my environment. I use my senses to their full potential, because they have been given to me for free (laughs…..to you too, by the way!), and it would be a pity if I did not let them guide me through mindfulness. So now let me tell you how I see intuition.

You can’t tap into your intuition if you are using your head too much

Your mind is a valuable tool. Use it for statistics, mathematics, etc….best tool ever. For that, obviously, it needs some kind of external input. It is programmed by the input it receives externally. Intuition, on the other hand, is not a regularly recurring process. It is not a standing order. It is not fed externally.Your intuition kicks in before you start thinking anything. It comes out of nowhere, and it disappears just as fast as it came. You can’t control it. All you can do is to choose to either trust it or not. If you use your head too much, i.e. if too much heed is paid to your thoughts, intuition is ignored as a result. This doesn’t mean you should be completely mindless, either (laughs….). It just means that if your intuition is telling you something, simply let your mind translate it. Your intuition is like a messenger. Your mind is a decoder. Allow the message to be delivered, and let your mind quickly decode and translate it into an executable language. If you are not using your head too much, you can allow it to do a proper decoding.

You can’t tap into your intuition if you are ruled by your ego

Our intuition is a blessing! It is our internal GPS that is there to guide us. When you’re faced with making a decision, your ego always comes up with reasons why you should or shouldn’t do a certain thing. Sometimes the list of pros and cons your ego presents you with is so long that it makes you feel helplessly clueless. The more clueless you become, the slighter your inkling and the more strategies and logical reasoning you will feed into the process until you believe to be absolutely sure of the soundness of your decision. These pros and cons are based on previous experiences. Your ego believes to be making the right decision, and you let it do so by submitting to it. Your intuition, on the contrary, will always only give you one answer with no reason attached to it. No explanation, no strategy, no calculation will be at hand. It’s pure instinct. How do you know it’s right? You don’t (laughs…) but most of the time you will find out it is. The less you are ruled by your ego’s long and wordy list of reasons, the more you can rely on your intuition’s short and sweet message which always comes to you before your ego starts chattering away! Rely on what you hear first! That timing is crucial!

You can’t tap into your intuition if you’re coming from a place of mistrust

Let me tell you something about trust. In my experience, most trustful people are also very intelligent and tend to make more intelligent decisions than those who lack trust. Now, this doesn’t work in the reverse order, i.e. trusting others will not automatically make you intelligent. This means that by using your intuition, you will become a better judge of character and situations, which in turn will help you trust people and things more readily. Better judges make better decisions and quicker. If you are continuously mistrustful, you won’t allow your mind, let alone your intuition to come in. Mistrustful people stall. They simply stall and the more they stall the more they risk going backwards, which is kind of like a nightmare, if you can follow me. So using your intuition actively leads to intelligent decisions. The more you trust your intuition, the more heed you will pay to whom and what is worthy of your trust and the sounder your decisions (keep in mind that not everyone IS worthy of your trust, especially if their actions have proven otherwise). This goes to show that the sounder your decisions, the more intelligent you can consider yourself to be. Point blank. Congratulations!

You can’t tap into your intuition if you are relying too much on technology

This particular argument is no doubt obvious! If your are constantly using a device, scrolling up and down (smartphone, laptop, tablet, you name it), how do you suppose you’re ever going to notice your environment? Using an electronic gadget means you are ignoring everything else around you. In any given environment, a physically healthy person should be able to see, hear, smell, touch, feel and sometimes taste a multitude of things simultaneously. The more you activate your senses, the sharper they will become. When you are using an electronic gadget, you are limiting your senses to your device. You will mostly see and touch and perhaps hear. Not only that, to make the matters worse, this seeing, touching and hearing will be given to your gadget only! On top of that, you won’t feel, you won’t smell, and definitely won’t taste. Using all your senses simultaneously and regularly helps you expand your take on your environment and tap into your sixth sense, i.e. intuition. That’s the only way. And by God I have experienced that. How? By not constantly seeking a gadget’s company, confirmation (or comfort, should pity be the case!).

(Reminder: the post you are reading is written by author/blog owner: http://jeanniealogy.com/index.php/about-her/ )

You can’t tap into your intuition if you are not actively practicing empathy

Let me ask you a simple question: What happens to you internally when you see another person cry, suffer or undergo some kind of pain? Do you feel their pain and suffering? Do you try to help in any form or shape? Does it affect your emotions? If you have empathy the answer to all these questions is yes. Now what if you feel nothing? What if someone else’s pain and sadness does not touch you in any way? What if you walk by as if you did not even see them? What if your face looks blank because you feel blank inside? Does that mean you have no empathy? Possibly! Were you born that way? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe your empathy has been underused and has shut down as a result. That is a very possible scenario. This happens to people who have cut off their emotions due to a variety of reasons (e.g. stressful jobs, false friends, family upbringing, etc…). If you cut off your emotions you will habitually lack empathy until it becomes your normal way of life. In order to empathize, you have to be able to imagine yourself in someone else’ s shoes. If you have been continuously suppressing your emotions you will kill that imagination and end up losing your empathy. This, coupled with a job that is very structured and requires little to no creativity and imagination, will incrementally turn you into an emotionless person. You will thrive in your career because you are a super robot which brings in super results with no emotions, no love, no imagination and no empathy for others. This is how some super achievers become super achievers: at the peril of their emotions and what makes a person beautiful. Paradoxically, you might seem stable. From the external vantage point, you might seem to have it all together. Your life might appear to be on an even keel. But once others find themselves in a conversation with you, they will wonder if they aren’t in some sort of a monolog! (sad laughs….). If you lack empathy, you will only stick to facts and experiences drawn from those facts. There are no more emotions to tap into. You will stick to facts because you believe facts to be predictable and emotions not. The more you allow this vicious circle to envelope you, the slimmer your chances of regaining that empathy you once had, unless you were born an autist, in which case none of the things I just said apply to you. Practicing empathy starts with listening and paying attention to others and your environment. It can always get better if you listen and care more. That’s how it gets activated and remains continuously charged.

Empathy is to be felt through people and connecting to their emotions. Commit yourself to facts and figures and ignore people’s emotions, say good bye to empathy! It’s a choice you are making. Ignoring other people is also a lifestyle many choose. Question is: do YOU want that lifestyle?

If you are going to continue reading this article, chances are you don’t.

You can’t tap into your intuition if your imagination is dormant

Let’s talk about what I call a chronic imagination deficit, which leads to a very mechanical life with lots of accomplishments and merits, and little to no love and feelings for others, possibly not even for yourself. This is how some people have a blank face. Believe me, it isn’t always botox! Laughs….If you have cut off from your emotions and lost your imagination, thus empathy, you have left absolutely no room for intuition. Your decisions will all be logic based. Sure enough, you will not suffer if you fail, just as much as you won’t be overjoyed if you succeed (think about that blank face!). Now this might all sound practical and not such a bad deal, until a rude awakening slaps you to give you that wake up call. Here’s the deal: facts, as much as we like to call them facts, aren’t always true. Facts can be manipulated just as much as emotions, if not more. Facts can be calculated and delivered with an outcome you will sign in for.

So following facts and making your decisions based off of them does not always guarantee you success. In life, I have discovered that facts aren’t always as truthful as we believe them to be. You will believe those so-called „facts“ if you are ruled by your ego and shut down your feelings. When you find yourself at the mercy of facts (facts are dictated by other people not by gods!) and you have already deactivated your intuition, the mistakes you could be making could be graver than you thought. Granted, we all make mistakes, but in all honesty, I would much rather make mistakes from a place of love and empathy than from a dead place of miscalculated facts. And believe me, the more you allow your intuition to help you, the better the quality of your decisions and the feelings attached to them. After all, what are we without feelings? A blank face charging ahead in full command of nothingness. Congratulations to the Commander in Chief! Laughs……

Don’t let your imagination die. Use it actively. How? Practice empathy. Empathy and imagination sharpen your intuition.

You can’t tap into your intuition if you think you know it all

Some of the most knowledgeable people make the most astonishingly stupid mistakes. Do you ever wonder why? Well, how about this: It’s not the knowledge, it’s the knowing. When you are making a decision relying solely on your knowledge, thinking you have all the facts and let your ego kick your intuition aside, you are coming from a place of fear. Your decisions will be made on the precipice of „failure/no failure“. Your ego is afraid of failure. Your ego thinks: am I failing or am I not failing! But your intuition is never coming from a place of fear. Intuition does not think zeros and ones. Your intuition does not think failure or no failure. It just feels right and that’s all you need to know. It is not your knowledge, it’s your knowing. Many people think intuition is the same as a gut feeling. But I believe it is not. Intuition is a feeling in your heart. It is a fuzzy and comfortable feeling. If you have a sinking feeling in your gut, a sort of tightness, then it is not your intuition. It is fear. Fear is ruled by ego. Ego is ruled by experience. Experience is fear based. Intuition is an inner knowing. It feels safe and easy. It’s a knowing and you know it when you know it, not when you „know it all“.

Think you got me.

You can’t tap into your intuition if you don’t pay attention to your dreams and other clues

Your intuition always tries to communicate with you in your dreams. It is a major way of your own spirit communicating with you. When your soul (if you believe in one) senses something, it will project it onto your dreams in vivid images. This is your intuition’s way of screaming at you. If your intution is trying to have a soul jolting conversation with you, if it’s been trying to warn you about something, listen and respond. Allow no resistance. Don’t be frightened when your intuition is heightened! Heightened intuition begs for a letting in on signals. This won’t be just through your dreams. When your intuition wants to get your attention, it sends you signs and signals. You will suddenly start noticing things you did not notice before. Those things will be occuring and recurring. Let’s say you have been wanting to travel to XYZ destination for the first time, but have not been able to make up your mind. You will suddenly see signs, posters, articles, whatnot about that destination, for or against it, depending on what your intuition is trying to tell you. Has this ever happened to you? In our daily life, we run into an abundance of signs our intuition is sending us. Most people are too blind to see them! Would you like to change that? Would you like to let your intuition guide you more and more? Will you allow it?

If you’re still not sure and need more persuasion, listen to Einstein: