Why are some people so negative?
Do you know a Debbie Downer or a Gloomy Gus in your surroundings? Unless it is you, yourself we are talking about (don’t shoot me!), how do you feel about such people?
Disclaimer: I am just warning the healthy minds, not spreading advice to heal the ill!
Author and owner of this blog: Queen of Wands , link below:
(more about author on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook – buttons are in this blog)
If you don’t happen to be Debbie or Gus (seriously guys…), then I am sure you have encountered a Debbie and a Gus at some point in your life, if not just one of each… and you, no doubt, know what they do! Mrs Downer and Mr. Gloomy dampen your mood with negative comments. What does negative really mean? Well….I am not Debbie Downer and I certainly won’t dampen your mood by treating you in a condescending manner. So I will not make a negative comment regarding your question that would make you feel any less. Every question deserves an answer. So let me give you the definition without making you feel bad about asking. In fact, I do encourage you to ask.
According to dictionaires negativity is:
- the expression of criticism of or pessimism about something or someone.
- a tendency to be downbeat, disagreeable and skeptical.
- a pessimistic attitude that always expects the worst.
Now, if I were a Debbie Downer prototype, I would make a sarcastic remark and tell you something like: „seriously?! You don’t know what the word means?“ or: „come on!! Everyone knows what the word means!“ or: „that‘s a stupid question!“ This is one of the ways negative people are negative. They just go around and make others feel LESS THAN. They are condescending, make sarcastic remarks, or behave in an outright rude manner, not knowing the hurt they cause and the negativity they spread.
Is condescension the only way of being negative? Certainly not.
Negativity comes in more than 50 shades!
Not only does negativity come in more than 50 shades, it also depends on the shades you’re wearing (pun intended! laughs….). Variety is the spice of life, we’ve all heard that phrase. Well, unfortunately this also applies to negativity. It does come in many shades, shapes and forms. Expressing criticism and pessimism about something or someone could be done in a multitude of ways. If you are wearing the shades of negativity and pessimism, you will see and project negativity and pessimism as you breathe in and out. That simple! Let me share one type of the many shades of negativity with you :
Doom and gloom forecast
Negative thinking could be a chronic condition. It invokes dark, destructive emotions, and can in fact become an addictive habit. When it becomes a habit, it also becomes a comfort zone for the negative person to dwell in. A zone they return to over and over again, because it’s familiar and comforting.
Doom and gloom people lack confidence and faith in everything, including themselves. They live in a constant state of distrust and to some extent anxiety. What a mix! I can’t even fathom what goes inside a doom and gloom person. I assume they suffer quite a bit. But this suffering has its collateral damage! They also make others around them suffer. These people are among us, and it is sometimes hard for us to avoid them…or is it? Whether they’re a family member, a co-worker, neighbhor, or a friend, we need to find ways of avoiding them, or at least not get affected by them. Let me give you my take on the doom and gloom prototype.
First of all, I believe that there is nothing wrong with considering the negative aspects of a situation and sometimes being skeptical. It is in fact a healthy way of making decisions. Weighing pros and cons of any circumstance is something a mature, healthy brain should do. It protects you against potential harm. A reminder to the negative person: positive people do consider the negative side of everything, too. But they will not allow it to rule over them. Being positive must not necessarily mean that you see everything through rose-colored glasses. It means you don’t just selectively see the doom as a first outcome. There is a middle ground. While the pessimist projects gloom by constantly paying attention, remembering and retrieving negative information, the positive individual finds a sliver lining, yet recognizing clouds. Moreover, the positive person focuses on that silver lining, which makes the presence of clouds a bit less stifling!
(Reminder: the post you are reading is written by author/blog owner: http://jeanniealogy.com/index.php/about-her/ )
“The pessimist complains
about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist
adjusts the sails.”
-William George Ward-
Next time you encounter a pessimist projecting their doom and gloom onto you, just remember that they habitually see the dark side of everything. They continuously retrieve negative information from what I call their „negative experience file“, and by referring to that file, they legitimize their lack of confidence in any situation. They don’ t believe that things can change, and by letting this belief rule over them, they don’t allow for change to occur. It is like self-fulfilling prophecy. Positive people see the „less than happy“ situation for what it’s worth and try to change it. Being in a change mode is a positive state. It is the state of hope. It is an encouraging state. It can never be harmful. The worst it can do is to not better the situation, but it will never worsen it. A positive state of mind, as I have experienced, does in most cases lead to a positive outcome.
That is self-fulfilling prophecy too. Now granted….there are some situations that are out of your hands. Not everything is up to you to change. If that’s the case, seeing doom and gloom is definitely not going to make things any better, either. If you are in a situation where you absolutely cannot change the gloomy aspect, because it is out of your hands, you can at least put your focus on something completely different, in order to suffer less. It’s totally up to you. The least thing you can do is to choose to suffer less! Anything wrong with that? If you are a doomer and gloomer, you will defintely find something wrong with this suggestion.
My advice on this: don’t always think of the worst, expect the worst and prepare for the worst! The middle ground has a bit of realistic touch to it. It tells you to: make the best out of your situation by pre-emptively BUT NOT MENTALLY preparing for the worst, yet physically working towards and mentally looking forward to a positive outcome. This makes the whole process of whatever it is you are facing easier for you. If you are in a hot desert and have miles and miles of walk ahead of you, it is advisable to have enough water (physically prepared for the worst) and not to run (not wasting your energy). It is certainly madness to tell yourself how hot it is and that you are not going to make it (negative mental preparation). It is a waste of your energy which can make you more tired and hotter. It does hinder your goal from being attained. Believe me!
Mental preparation of any situation expedites its actualization. Not only that, negative mental preparation puts you in a state of fear and anxiety which kills inspiration and creativity. No matter what situation you are in, there is still a chance that you might be able to find a creative solution. Doom and gloom forecast makes you perpetually fearful and anxious, and takes away that last bit of creativity you might be having from you!
The orthodox doomer and gloomer
Now this guy, sees negative aspects even in positive events and situations and focuses on what went wrong in the midst of success! This guy is rotten…seriously! I cannot even begin to write about this type! It’s like writing about a stinking, ugly, poisonous, deadly insect that spits venom! Why would I want to write anything about that? It all goes without saying! Run away from this ill type, avoid their presence…….just vacate their premises! They can and will sting and take you direclty to your doom along with them!
Remove yourself from individuals with this self-destructive behavior, before they take you down with them! As I said in the beginning, I am here to warn the healthy minds, not to spread advice to heal the ill!