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What does forgiveness really mean?
Do you sometimes feel pressurized to forgive the person who has hurt you, just because it is said to be the right thing to do?
If someone asked you what you should do to a person who has hurt you, what would you say? What’s the most typical answer that you would be bound to give? What do most people consider “the right thing”? What have you been told all your life?
They say: Forgive them
Let me warn you – and that is my personal opinion – forgiving might be one of the most futile attempts you will find yourself making, especially if the hurting was a repeated and recurring act upon you by the wrongdoer and the person was aware of their actions all along. Let me explain this to you in my capacity of one who’s been there and done that. Here’s how it goes: No one in this world, I repeat: no one in this world is capable of fully forgiving. Try hard as you may, it is just not going to happen. You can in fact try to think less of the situation and let it occupy a smaller and less significant part of your life and thoughts, with the hope of eventually becoming numb to the intensity of the whole thing, but there is this what I call “inner you” that will never truly forgive the other person, no matter how many times you tell yourself and others that you have forgiven and forgotten. It is just not possible. And even if it were, it would be an unhealthy option. Besides, you can only try to forgive a person who has asked for forgiveness. Only then might there be a slight chance that forgiving could perhaps partially happen. But what if the wrongdoer never admits to their wrongdoing? What if they’re self righteous? What if they know they have hurt you but do not care? Would you still try to forgive them? Would you?
My advice is don’t. Do not try to forgive them for they do not deserve any well meaning attempts of your forgiveness. It is not your job to give them reprieve. Life has a way of balancing things out. Let life take care of it.
What am I suggesting, then?
Staying angry? No. Lingering anger is a toxic emotion. By all means, do get angry, for every emotion is your given right to feel. It’s nature’s gift handed to you and will help you purge whatever resentment is in you. So do let it all out, but don’t dwell in it. Angry people are not happy people. I’m sure you want to be happy. That’s why you’re reading this article!
Indulging in your resentment? No, no and no! Why would anyone want to do that? Like anger, resentment is a feeling you cannot deny. Let it be felt, but do not let it take hold of you. It will only make you bitter. Every time you’re about to let resentment take the better of you, tell yourself: I am better, not bitter. It’s a simple reminder that will work wonders.
Reveling in vindictiveness? Hell no. Getting vindictive is the most toxic option. The one it will hurt most is you, yourself! So don’t even go there. You will soon find out that life has a miraculous way of restoring justice. Divine timing will take care of it all. So sit back and enjoy the “better you”. Peachy looks way better on you!
Fueling sadness by sad thoughts? No way! Again, feel sad for as long as it provides you some relief. But find ways to get out of it. If it is physical exercise that helps you achieve that, then get up and move it. If it’s happy, uplifting music, then let it play. If it is your favorite chocolate that kicks sadness away, then by all means munch on it (don’t overdo! lol). What I’m trying to say is: Don’t let looming thoughts dampen your spirit. Get enthralled by that magical sunshine within you. You have it. It is there. It’s called your mojo! Crank it up!
Imagining 50 ways of bringing the wrongdoer down? No, not helpful. If you have time to invest in 50 ways of any shape or form, let it be 50 ways to uplift yourself instead. We live in a world of infinite possibilities. Give voice to your true desires and let them flourish. You will be amazed to find out that there are more than 50 ways to tend to your own desires. The gist of what I am suggesting is: make your own happiness your focus instead of the wrongdoer’s misery. It is the healthiest and most powerful option available to you….with no shipment costs! (lol…)
So, if forgiving the wrongdoer is not what I’m suggesting, what is my advice?
I say: Forgiving is the right thing. You just have to remind yourself of who it is you are forgiving.
The only person that truly needs and deserves forgiveness is no one but you, yourself and thyself! To thyself be gentle! See what I’m getting at? This means stop beating yourself up for whatever the case might be.
Perhaps for having given to undeserving people, putting up with crap, giving up your happiness, tending to ungracious beings, giving without expecting to receive, tolerating unreasonable creatures, accepting mean treatment, legitimizing condescension, agreeing to being slighted, overlooking disrespect, letting anyone dampen your spirit, etc…etc…Everyone has a different story. Once you realize that you have been making a mistake, forgive yourself and move on. Above all, remind yourself to never ever repeat the same mistakes again. Then take a hot bath and say hallalujah, bullshit is over, I forgive myself, life goes on. Period.
THAT is the meaning of forgiveness! Got it? Now go and try it. It will make you feel really good. I guarantee you peace of mind, body and soul. How do I know? Been there done that! Just take my word for it.
(Reminder: the post you are reading is written by author/blog owner: http://jeanniealogy.com/index.php/about-her/ )
They say: Forgive and forget
Really? Seriously? They expect us to do that? So they lie to you, steal from you, treat you badly, step on your soul, step on your heart, slight you, ignore you, kick you to the curb, leave you out in the cold and what have you, and all that by design – again, we all have a different story of our wrongdoers, I don’t know your particular story, but I’m sure that if you’re reading this article, you might have a situation or two in mind- and you just miraculously do some random act of forgiving and forgetting? What kind of an imbalanced equation is that? And is it supposed to „free you“? Free you how? If you were to put emotions aside and think from a logical stance, would that even be mathematically possible? Not a chance. So what and who do “forgiving and forgetting” refer to?
I say: Forgive yourself and don’t forget what happened lest you might let it happen again!
Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. While you shower yourself with forgiveness, you also remind yourself that you should never forget what happened, in order to not ever let it happen again. Forgiving yourself means you love yourself. Loving yourself means you will never again let someone mistreat or hurt you. You will just not let that happen. Be your own puppy! Take yourself out for walks….give yourself treats! And pat yourself on your back (not on your head, that would look kind of weird! lol…) saying: good job!
They say: Forgiveness is an act of strength not weakness
Some might say: „forgiveness is an act of strength. You don’t forgive because you are weak, but because you are strong and by letting go of resentment you will be happy and at peace.“
True? Not entirely.
Let me tweak this statement.
I say: Forgive yourself because you are strong and know that by letting go of resentment toward yourself for having endured as much and as long as you did, you will be happy and at peace with yourself.
Forgiving yourself shows that you love yourself. And as you all know, (s)he who does not love her/himself cannot love others. Got that? Any objections? If you are on the same page with me, you got some self loving to catch up on. Ready, set, love!
They say: If you forgive, you will be forgiven
What??!!! What on earth is THAT supposed to mean?
Ladies and gentlemen, let me collect my thoughts. I am bewildered. If you have been wronged, conned, left out in the cold and hurt by someone, then who the hell is to forgive whom? If you are the forgiver, then what kind of a twisted logic would stipulate that you need their forgiveness in return? If you ever did consider forgiving the other person, it would only be a fake act of charity on your part. What this statement really means is, as I have already explained: FORGIVE THY F…..SELF! It’s a one way thing, people! One way! You forgive yourself for all the love you did NOT „ bestow upon thyself“. As simple as that. That will be the purest, most sincere, authentic, heartfelt and healthy form of forgiveness! And believe me, it will bear fruit.
And now I say:
Read this article again and pick yourself back up!
And if you’re still questioning your fate, and thinking that you might not find peace even after forgiving yourself – but I guarantee you will – remember this:
If the rain won’t stop pouring
If the wind won’t stop roaring
If the gods won’t stop exploring
don’t give up!
If the sun won’t start shining
If clouds have no silver lining
If nothing seems to be rhyming
don’t give up!
If the air around you gets too thick
If the words you hear make you sick
If you think Karma’s playing a trick
don’t give up!
If time will get you nowhere
If the world seems to be unfair
If all you feel is despair
don’t give up!
If life gets all so hectic
If people become skeptic
If all you hear is time tick
don’t give up!
If you feel you’ve lost your reasons
If friends come and go with seasons
If relationhips turn to treason
don’t give up!
If the mountain you’re climbing is too steep
If the river you’re crossing is too deep
If the step you’re taking’s a giant leap
don’t give up!
If the road seems to be too long
If you think you can’t be that strong
put these three words into a song:
“don’t give up!”
Because you are strong and life IS good! You just have to recognize and appreciate it. And the first step you take towards this appreciation is by appreciating YOU and forgiving YOURSELF.