When people ask me where my home is, I don’t give them a country, city, or street address, unless I am applying for a visa to Russia! (laughs…..). I tell them my home is someone giving me a reason to stay and some place that makes me want to go back to every day. Home is the feeling of being welcomed, loved and able to let your guard down. This is why home is not a place, but a feeling.
What about you? What or where is home to you?
Author and owner of this blog: Queen of Wands , link below: http://jeanniealogy.com/index.php/about-her
Home is where you feel safe.
One of the basic human needs is feeling safe, not just physically but also emotionally. There are many things that can make a person or space feel unsafe. We can go from obviously threatening situations such as riots, wars, dangerous killers, or animals to more subtle, nonetheless complicated situations such as unsettled relationships, unfamiliar faces and surroundings, unloving people and empty faces. Yes empty faces are extremely unsettling, and when you feel unsettled, fear begins to take over and you feel unsafe. You can live in the safest country in the world, with the least dangerous and most seemingly peaceful person or people on this planet, yet feel very unsafe, i.e. emotionally unsafe. And if that’s how unsafe you feel, you have no home. Home is not a place, it’s a feeling. Anyone or anything that stands in your way of feeling safe and disrupts your sense of security is only an obstacle in building that foundation you call your home. Before you consult a real estate agent for the perfect white picket fence home, try removing all those obstacles which are the real reaon why you don’t have a home! Just saying!
Own that castle in the sky!
Most people believe home to be a physical place providing structure and external stability. But what is home? If you look in a dictionary it says: „The place where one lives permanently, especially as a member of a family or household.“ Really? Is that home?That’s too technical for my taste. I would prefer to dig way beyond a concrete description. A home is not just an abode we live in, that would be a house. And let me tell you…..a house is not always a home. A home is not built by bricks, wood or whatnot! A home is a feeling of nurturing and love that you can take with you anywhere you go. True to some degree, that roof on your head is in fact the first step towards the foundation of stability, beware though, that’s only the first step. What makes or breaks your home is in fact people that surround you. If you are surrounded by people who radiate contempt, misrust, envy, hostility and emotional unavailability thus making it impossible for you to connect and give and share love, feel free to consider yourself homeless. Home is people who make you feel secure. People who ease your worries because they’re standing next to you. Those that remind you, whatever it is you are going through, you aren’t going through it alone. Those who give you something to want to come back to. Surround yourself with loving, kind, generous and open-hearted and vulnerable people who don’t stonewall you and you will feel like the owner of that castle in the sky! 😉 Take my word for it!
(Reminder: the post you are reading is written by author/blog owner: http://jeanniealogy.com/index.php/about-her/ )
If you check you, no one can wreck you!
Safety, though, is not always acquired through others. In fact, feeling safe starts from within. It is as much an internal achievement as it is external. So don’t always just look for or rely on others to make you feel safe. To feel really safe, you have to feel safe from within, and the best way to do so is by spending time alone each day. When you spend some time alone, you can be present in your own world and become aware of your own true feelings and tap into your intuition, which can guide you in many, many unsafe places and surroundings, Take some time alone each day and check with yourself and your emotions. Ask yourself questions and give yourself honest answers. Find out what changes are necessary in order for you, yourself, to feel more at peace, serene and safe and at home. Only then can you generously share that feeling of home with another, if you so choose. Remember: if you check you, no one can wreck you…..or your home.
Not solo, yet so low!
This pun was once sadly intended. Let me tell you how. Living with emotionally available people makes you feel very safe. The strength of a person lies within their emotional availability and vulnerability, not their physical strength. The person who loves you, respects you, is there for you, is open, vulnerable and accepting of you, with or without your flaws, that person is very strong and makes you feel safe and strong, and that’s the person you can make feel safe and stronger in return. Unsettled relationships are those that offer no such thing. I lived with a man (my ex) who for the last 3 to 4 years of our marriage made himself emotionally unavailable to me. I can tell you, for one thing, these 3 to 4 years felt like the most insecure and unsafe years of my life to me. We lived in a big house with a big garden, fancy and safe neighborhood in the suburbs, all those everythings that mean nothing……and I felt unsafe, i.e. emotionally unsafe. I lived in a big house, yet had no home. A person who lives within the realms of emotional integrity will not make their emotions unavailable to the one they share a roof and life with. That’s one of the most cruel things to do to a person, especially if they have a long history and family together. That is that. All I can say is: that lack of integrity of emotions leads to one of the most emotionally unsafe environments. Although I wasn’t technically solo, I felt solo and so low! I suffered way too long until I got separated and moved out. Now in a small apartment in the city, I feel the safest I have in the past 4 years. This safety started out in me. I found home in me, and later, I started surrounding myself by those who felt like home, kindred spirits. I feel at home now. I am not sure how long I will be staying in this city apartment, but one thing is for sure, it’s not the place……it’s the feeling. I feel safe….I feel at home.