To Forgive Or Not To Forgive? That Is The Question!

Author and owner of blog: Queen of Wands, link below:

 (more about author on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook – buttons are in this blog)

What does forgiveness really mean?
Do you sometimes feel pressurized to forgive the person who has hurt you, just because it is said to be the right thing to do?

If someone asked you what you should do to a person who has hurt you, what would you say? What’s the most typical answer that you would be bound to give? What do most people consider “the right thing”? What have you been told all your life?

They say: Forgive them

Let me warn you – and that is my personal opinion – forgiving might be one of the most futile attempts you will find yourself making, especially if the hurting was a repeated and recurring act upon you by the wrongdoer and the person was aware of their actions all along. Let me explain this to you in my capacity of one who’s been there and done that. Here’s how it goes: No one in this world, I repeat: no one in this world is capable of fully forgiving. Try hard as you may, it is just not going to happen. You can in fact try to think less of the situation and let it occupy a smaller and less significant part of your life and thoughts, with the hope of eventually becoming numb to the intensity of the whole thing,  but there is this what I call “inner you” that will never truly forgive the other person, no matter how many times you tell yourself and others that you have forgiven and forgotten. It is just not possible. And even if it were, it would be an unhealthy option. Besides, you can only try to forgive a person who has asked for forgiveness. Only then  might there be a slight chance that forgiving could perhaps partially happen. But what if the wrongdoer never admits to their wrongdoing? What if they’re self righteous? What if they know they have hurt you but do not care? Would you still try to forgive them? Would you?

My advice is don’t. Do not try to forgive them for they do not deserve any well meaning attempts of your forgiveness. It is not your job to give them reprieve. Life has a way of balancing things out. Let life take care of it.

What am I suggesting, then?

Staying angry? No. Lingering anger is a toxic emotion. By all means, do get angry, for every emotion is your given right to feel. It’s nature’s gift handed to you and will help you purge whatever resentment is in you. So do let it all out, but don’t dwell in it. Angry people are not happy people. I’m sure you want to be happy. That’s why you’re reading this article!

Indulging in your resentment? No, no and no! Why would anyone want to do that? Like anger, resentment is a feeling you cannot deny. Let it be felt, but do not let it take hold of you. It will only make you bitter. Every time you’re about to let resentment take the better of you, tell yourself: I am better, not bitter. It’s a simple reminder that will work wonders.

Reveling in vindictiveness? Hell no. Getting vindictive is the most toxic option. The one it will hurt most is you, yourself! So don’t even go there. You will soon find out that life has a miraculous way of restoring justice. Divine timing will take care of it all. So sit back and enjoy the “better you”. Peachy looks way better on you!

Fueling sadness by sad thoughts? No way! Again, feel sad for as long as it provides you some relief. But find ways to get out of it. If it is physical exercise that helps you achieve that, then get up and move it. If it’s happy, uplifting music, then let it play. If it is your favorite chocolate that kicks sadness away, then by all means munch on it (don’t overdo! lol). What I’m trying to say is: Don’t let looming thoughts dampen your spirit. Get enthralled by that magical sunshine within you. You have it. It is there. It’s called your mojo! Crank it up!

Imagining 50 ways of bringing the wrongdoer down? No, not helpful. If you have time to invest in 50 ways of any shape or form, let it be 50 ways to uplift yourself instead. We live in a world of infinite possibilities. Give voice to your true desires and let them flourish. You will be amazed to find out that there are more than 50 ways to tend to your own desires. The gist of what I am suggesting is: make your own happiness your focus instead of the wrongdoer’s misery. It is the healthiest and most powerful option available to you….with no shipment costs! (lol…)

So, if forgiving the wrongdoer is not what I’m suggesting, what is my advice?

I say: Forgiving is the right thing. You just have to remind yourself of who it is you are forgiving.
The only person that truly needs and deserves forgiveness is no one but you, yourself and thyself! To thyself be gentle! See what I’m getting at? This means stop beating yourself up for whatever the case might be.

Perhaps for having given to undeserving people, putting up with crap, giving up your happiness, tending to ungracious beings, giving without expecting to receive, tolerating unreasonable creatures, accepting mean treatment, legitimizing condescension, agreeing to being slighted, overlooking  disrespect, letting anyone dampen your spirit, etc…etc…Everyone has a different story. Once you realize that you have been making a mistake, forgive yourself and move on. Above all, remind yourself to never ever repeat the same mistakes again. Then take a hot bath and say hallalujah, bullshit is over, I forgive myself, life goes on. Period.

THAT is the meaning of forgiveness! Got it? Now go and try it. It will make you feel really good. I guarantee you peace of mind, body and soul. How do I know? Been there done that! Just take my word for it.

(Reminder: the post you are reading is written by author/blog owner: )

They say: Forgive and forget
Really? Seriously? They expect us to do that? So they lie to you, steal from you, treat you badly, step on your soul, step on your heart, slight you, ignore you, kick you to the curb, leave you out in the cold and what have you, and all that by design – again, we all have a different story of our wrongdoers, I don’t know your particular story, but I’m sure that if you’re reading this article, you might have a situation or two in mind- and you just miraculously do some random act of forgiving and forgetting? What kind of an imbalanced equation is that? And is it supposed to „free you“? Free you how? If you were to put emotions aside and think from a logical stance, would that even be mathematically possible? Not a chance. So what and who do “forgiving and forgetting” refer to?

I say: Forgive yourself and don’t forget what happened lest you might let it happen again!
Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. While you shower yourself with forgiveness, you also remind yourself that you should never forget what happened, in order to not ever let it happen again. Forgiving yourself means you love yourself. Loving yourself means you will never again let someone mistreat or hurt you. You will just not let that happen. Be your own puppy! Take yourself out for walks….give yourself treats! And pat yourself on your back (not on your head, that would look kind of weird! lol…) saying: good job!

They say: Forgiveness is an act of strength not weakness
Some might say: „forgiveness is an act of strength. You don’t forgive because you are weak, but because you are strong and by letting go of resentment you will be happy and at peace.“

True? Not entirely.

Let me tweak this statement.

I say: Forgive yourself because you are strong and know that by letting go of resentment toward yourself for having endured as much and as long as you did, you will be happy and at peace with yourself.
Forgiving yourself shows that you love yourself. And as you all know, (s)he who does not love her/himself cannot love others. Got that? Any objections? If you are on the same page with me, you got some self loving to catch up on. Ready, set, love!

They say: If you forgive, you will be forgiven
What??!!! What on earth is THAT supposed to mean?
Ladies and gentlemen, let me collect my thoughts. I am bewildered. If you have been wronged, conned, left out in the cold and hurt by someone, then who the hell is to forgive whom? If you are the forgiver, then what kind of a twisted logic would stipulate that you need their forgiveness in return? If you ever did consider forgiving the other person, it would only be a fake act of charity on your part. What this statement really means is, as I have already explained: FORGIVE THY F…..SELF! It’s a one way thing, people! One way! You forgive yourself for all the love you did NOT „ bestow upon thyself“. As simple as that. That will be the purest, most sincere, authentic, heartfelt and healthy form of forgiveness! And believe me, it will bear fruit.

And now I say:
Read this article again and pick yourself back up!

And if you’re still questioning your fate, and thinking that you might not find peace even after forgiving yourself – but I guarantee you will – remember this:

If the rain won’t stop pouring
If the wind won’t stop roaring
If the gods won’t stop exploring
don’t give up!

If the sun won’t start shining
If clouds have no silver lining
If nothing seems to be rhyming
don’t give up!

If the air around you gets too thick
If the words you hear make you sick
If you think Karma’s playing a trick
don’t give up!

If time will get you nowhere
If the world seems to be unfair
If all you feel is despair
don’t give up!

If life gets all so hectic
If people become skeptic
If all you hear is time tick
don’t give up!

If you feel you’ve lost your reasons
If friends come and go with seasons
If relationhips turn to treason
don’t give up!

If the mountain you’re climbing is too steep
If the river you’re crossing is too deep
If the step you’re taking’s a giant leap
don’t give up!

If the road seems to be too long
If you think you can’t be that strong
put these three words into a song:
“don’t give up!”

Because you are strong and life IS good! You just have to recognize and appreciate it. And the first step you take towards this appreciation is by appreciating YOU and forgiving YOURSELF.

193 Replies to “To Forgive Or Not To Forgive? That Is The Question!”

    1. Thank you! It makes me truly happy to hear this. I genuinely want people to read and feel my thoughts and maybe apply a point or two in their own lives, as they see fit. I would love to somehow find out that my thoughts and ideas help others or shed light on some situations in their lives. I will keep writing. My readers are a good part of my motivation.

    1. Glad to be of help…I can say, on my part, that it’s indeed fulfilling me in ♠️ spades! You are more than welcome to check out my other posts. 😊

  1. Hey There. I found your blog using msn. This is a very well written article. I will be sure to bookmark it and return to read more of your useful info. Thanks for the post. I’ll certainly return.

  2. It is in point of fact a nice and helpful piece of information. I’m glad that
    you just shared this useful info with us. Please keep us up to date like this.
    Thank you for sharing.

  3. You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this matter to be actually something that I think I would never understand. It seems too complex and very broad for me. I am looking forward for your next post, I will try to get the hang of it!

    1. It really IS easy….we people make things way harder that they are. It’s human nature. You have to start fighting against this nature. It’s like jumping into a cold pool…If you think so much about how cold the water is, you will never take that dunk! Just jump and you will actually enjoy the water! Hope you get my analogy. Whatever your situation might be, just forgive yourself and move on. Don’t even wait for apologies. People who do you wrong “know not what they do”. Do you expect a blind person to see? Do you expect a deaf person to hear? By the same token, do not expect for a wrongdoer to see their wrong, especially if they repeatedly did the same thing. Go love on yourself NOW! 🙂

  4. Hello there! This blog post could not be written any better!
    Looking through this article reminds me of my previous roommate!
    He constantly kept preaching about this. I will forward this information to
    him. Pretty sure he’ll have a great read. Many thanks for sharing!

    1. Thank you! ☺️ Hope you get a chance to check out my other articles. Just a heads up: I’ll be posting a new one by the end of this week. ✌️🙏

  5. I’d like to thank you for the efforts you’ve put in penning this site.
    I’m hoping to see the same high-grade content by you in the future as well.
    In truth, your creative writing abilities has motivated me
    to get my own website now 😉

    1. Wow!!! Fantastic! 👍 There is nothing more rewarding than being a source of inspiration! Thanks for letting me know that! 🙏 All the best! 😊✌️

    1. Hi….Thanks for your enthusiasm! Don’t curb it! (laughs….). You inspired me to join twitter, and I did yesterday! 😉 so feel free to follow me there. You will find the Follow Me On Twitter button in each post of my blog. See ya! 😉

  6. I just couldn’t leave your website prior to suggesting that I
    really enjoyed the standard info a person supply to your visitors?
    Is gonna be again frequently to investigate cross-check
    new posts

  7. Wonderful goods from you, man. I have understand your stuff previous to and you’re just extremely great.
    I really like what you have acquired here, certainly like what
    you are saying and the way in which you say it.
    You make it enjoyable and you still care for to keep it wise.
    I can’t wait to read far more from you. This is really a terrific website.

    1. Thank you. Glad you like my posts. I have now added a subscribe button. Feel free to subscribe and you will be notified of my new posts. ✌️🙏

  8. Hi! I’ve been following your site for a long time now and finally got the bravery to go ahead and give you a shout out from Atascocita Tx!
    Just wanted to tell you keep up the fantastic job!
    It’s perfect time to make a few plans for the long run and it is time to be
    happy. I’ve learn this submit and if I may I want to counsel you few attention-grabbing
    things or tips. Maybe you could write next articles regarding this article.
    I want to read even more things about it! Everyone loves what you guys are
    up too. This type of clever work and reporting! Keep up the wonderful works guys I’ve included you guys to my own blogroll.

    1. Well thank you. Certainly appreciate your enthusiasm. I will take your tips into consideration. By the way, there is NO “you guys”… this is MY blog, ONE PERSON, just me. Feel free to follow me on FB, Instagram and Twitter. And if you haven’t subscribed to my blog yet, by all means DO SO. 😃🙏
      Have a fantastic day. ☀️

  9. I think this is among the most important info for me.
    And i’m glad reading your article. But wanna remark on some general things,
    The website style is wonderful, the articles is really nice : D.
    Good job, cheers

    1. Thank you so much! Please subscribe! 😉 Also feel free to read my other posts, like and share….and all that nice stuff…(laughs… 🙂 ). Have a great day!

  10. Hello, Neat post. There’s an issue along with your site in web explorer, would check this?
    IE nonetheless is the marketplace leader and a large portion of other folks will omit your great
    writing due to this problem.

  11. When someone writes an article he/she maintains the plan of a user in his/her brain that how a user can understand it.
    Thus that’s why this post is great. Thanks!

    1. Thank you for your positive feedback! I have been overwhelmed by all kinds of good comments on many of my posts. Feel free to read my other posts and like, share and subscribe! I would certainly appreciate it.😀🙏

  12. We stumbled over here coming from a different page and thought I might check things out.
    I like what I see so now i am following you. Look forward to looking at your web page yet again.

  13. Hello, There’s no doubt that your site could
    possibly be having browser compatibility problems.
    Whenever I take a look at your site in Safari, it looks fine but
    when opening in I.E., it has some overlapping issues.
    I simply wanted to provide you with a quick heads up!
    Besides that, wonderful website!

  14. We’re a group of volunteers and opening a new scheme in our community.
    Your site provided us with valuable info to work on. You’ve done an impressive job and our whole
    community will be grateful to you.

  15. My spouse and I stumbled over here by a different web address and thought I might check things out.
    I like what I see so now i am following you. Look forward to finding
    out about your web page for a second time.

    1. I am not sure I understand what you mean. First of all there is a subscribe button, so you can subscribe not “follow”. Second of all, this is a blog, my personal blog, run by me… themes are “life lessons”. is the link. However you can google a theme and google will get you to my posts. I have a feeling some folks are not directly writing to ME, but getting their message to the writer, i.e. me via a third party route…. and that is really strange.
      Just subscribe and I have no idea what website you are talking about.
      Thanks for visiting and please recognize that Queen of Wands IS THE WRITER AND BLOG OWNER. I have added this information to each and every post. Kind of hard to miss.
      Have a nice day…. and hope you and your spouse subscribe properly. 😃🙏☀️

  16. Hey there, I think your website might be having browser compatibility issues.
    When I look at your website in Chrome, it looks fine but when opening in Internet
    Explorer, it has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick
    heads up! Other then that, terrific blog!

    1. Thanks for the heads up. I’m not sure how to solve this problem. You are the second person, so far, who has been having this issue. I’ll ask some experts for their advice. Meanwhile, please by all means subscribe to my blog.
      Thanks for your support 🙏

  17. Hey I am so delighted I found your weblog, I really
    found you by accident, while I was researching on Yahoo for
    something else, Nonetheless I am here now and
    would just like to say kudos for a fantastic
    post and a all round interesting blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t
    have time to go through it all at the minute but I have saved
    it and also added in your RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be back to read a great deal more, Please do keep up the awesome work.

    1. Awwww thank you! 🙏🤗 It really makes me happy to get such positive feedback. Btw, you can also subscribe to my blog. I added a subscribe button last week and people are subscribing. This blog is my baby, so I’ll be sure to help it grow with love ❤️.
      Thanks for visiting 🙏 and remember, if you subscribe you will be automatically notified when I post a new article.
      Have a nice day. 😃☀️

  18. Hey just wanted to give you a quick heads up and let you know a few of the pictures aren’t
    loading properly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue.
    I’ve tried it in two different internet browsers and both show the same results.

    1. I’m not sure if this is a problem I can solve. It’s a browser thing. So far 3 people have mentioned a similar issue. Thanks for the heads up. 🙏

  19. When I initially commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each
    time a comment is added I get three emails with the same comment.
    Is there any way you can remove people from that service?
    Thanks a lot!

    1. OMG!! 😮 that must be awfully annoying. I have ZILCH idea why this is happening! Maybe it’s a WordPress thing. It’s the first time I’m hearing this complaint, though. Maybe it is something YOU should do on your end?? I wish I knew the answer… meanwhile I am lmao 😂…. sorry but I can imagine how annoyed you are. ✌️ Hope you will revisit, though! 😉

    1. Queen of Wands herself says YOU ARE WELCOME 😉 and do feel free to subscribe to my blog…. in case you somehow landed here and don’t know the link. 🙏

  20. I do agree with all of the concepts you have introduced to your post.
    They are really convincing and will certainly work. Nonetheless,
    the posts are very brief for novices. May just you please extend them
    a little from next time? Thanks for the post.

  21. Hey there! This is my first visit to your blog!
    We are a team of volunteers and starting a new
    project in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us beneficial
    information to work on. You have done a wonderful job!

    1. I am really happy to hear this. Please feel free to subscribe to my blog. I try to post one article every month. All the best to your community. ✌️

  22. Thanks for your marvelous posting! I quite enjoyed reading it,
    you could be a great author.I will remember to bookmark your blog and definitely will
    come back later in life. I want to encourage you
    to continue your great writing, have a nice day!

    1. Thank you soooo much. I am truly overwhelmed by all the positive feedback. My blog seems to be a success and I am grateful. Hope you have already subscribed. 🙏

    1. You are welcome. Glad you did. As to a “part 2”…. oh well… let’s put it this way: you can find out if you subscribe to my blog. Buttons are provided for subscribes, shares, likes…you name it. And I certainly would appreciate it. Meanwhile feel free to read my other posts by clicking on the “menu”. Have fun 😉🙏

  23. Wow that was unusual. I just wrote an extremely long comment
    but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t show up.

    Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyhow, just wanted to
    say excellent blog!

    1. Really? Hmmm🤔 well that’s weird. Technology sometimes acts up more than humans! 😂😂
      Glad you like my blog. Before my comment disappears let me ask you to subscribe! 😂😂🙏

    1. Sure I do. You will see all my social media links (facebook, twitter, instagram)and buttons are provided at the end of each post as well as on the home page. You can also subscribe to my blog.
      Thank you. 😂

    1. Awesome! I appreciate it. Feel free to subscribe and follow me on social media. Buttons are provided in my blog. Thank you 🙏

    1. What can I say…. your brother is one smart guy! 😉 And I am one happy blogger! Very happy to hear this is helping. I encourage you to subscribe to my blog and follow me on social media. All buttons are provided in my blog. See ya! 😊 And thanks 🙏

  24. I would like to thank you for the efforts you have put in writing this blog.
    I’m hoping to see the same high-grade content from you later on as well.
    In fact, your creative writing abilities has inspired me to get my own blog now ;

    1. Déjà vu, perhaps? AnnnnnyWHO…. feel free to visit as frequently as you wish, read my other posts, like, share, subscribe and all that good stuff! 🙏

    1. Wow! really? I am certainly overjoyed to hear this! This blog is my baby, and I write from the bottom of my heart! I encourage you to subscribe to my blog to get my posts on the monthly. Thank you! 🙂

    1. Thank YOUUUUU! 😉 Feel free to subscribe, like and share! I would certainly appreciate it. See you next time! 😉

    1. Good to know! 🙂 Please subscribe to my blog! I also encourage you to like and share my posts! Have a great day! 😉

    1. oh thank you! 🙂 Do feel free to subscribe to my blog and like and share my posts. I am also on the social media. Buttons are provided everywhere. Have a great day and see you here! 😉

    1. 🙏 Thanks…. more and more people suggest a donate button… I will look into it. Meanwhile please subscribe, like and share. I post one article each month.
      Have a nice day! ✌️☀️

  25. I like the helpful information you provide in your articles.
    I will bookmark your weblog and check again here frequently.
    I’m quite sure I will learn many new stuff right
    here! Good luck for the next!

    1. Thank you. As to my contact details, you may follow me on social media. Buttons are provided in this blog (twitter, facebook, instagram).
      I also encourage you to subscribe. Would certainly appreciate it. 🙏
      Have a nice day. 😃☀️✌️

    1. Thank you. No RSS here. You can, however, subscribe to my blog. You will find the button literally all over. Hard to miss. I encourage and invite you to do so. 🙂

  26. I do trust all of the ideas you’ve offered in your post. They
    are very convincing and will certainly work. Nonetheless, the posts are very quick for starters.
    May you please extend them a bit from subsequent time?

    Thank you for the post.

    1. Well thank you. Lengthier? Really? Have you read some of my other posts? Some articles do have overlap. Feel free to subscribe, that way you will be notified of my monthly post(s)….for now one post per month. And I will try to write lengthier articles, if that’s the wish of the majority of my readers. I certainly appreciate your feedback.

  27. Normally I do not read post on blogs, but I would like to say that this write-up very compelled me to take a look at and do so! Your writing style has been amazed me. Thank you, very great post.

    1. Thanks for your interest. 🙏 Just click on the subscribe button. Go to my home page and you will see “subscription”. See ya! 😉

  28. I tend not to leave a response, however after
    reading a few of the responses here To Forgive Or Not To Forgive?
    That Is The Question! – Life Lessons.
    I actually do have 2 questions for you if it’s okay.
    Is it only me or does it look like some of the responses appear like they are coming from brain dead
    individuals? 😛 And, if you are posting on additional online sites, I would like to keep
    up with you. Would you make a list of every one of all your social networking pages like your twitter feed, Facebook page or linkedin profile?

    1. hahahahah….I don’t bother with people’s state of brain as long as it does not infect me….and I don’t think they could online! (laughs….) yes….you can see all my social media links on all the pages of this blog….feel free to connect. And thank you for subscribing! 😉

  29. Pingback: My Homepage

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *